![]()
For too long, masculinity has been associated with optics. Phrases like “never let them see you sweat” or “tears are for the weak” suggest that men should internalize how they truly feel and instead portray a version of themselves devoid of their true colors. But allowing other people to dictate how they should feel or prescribe what a “real” man looks like can have serious consequences for men’s mental and physical health.
kAm}62C=J k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^2522]@C8^7:?5\96=A^3J\56>@8C2A9:4D^>6?D\>6?E2=\962=E9RiOiE6IElz6JTa_724ETbpTa_}62C=JTa_`Ta_:?Ta_`_Ta_>6?Ta_6IA6C:6?46Ta_56AC6DD:@?Ta_@CTa_2?I:6EJTarTa_3FETa_=6DDTa_E92?Ta_92=7Ta_C646:G6Ta_EC62E>6?E]Ta_tG6?Ta_>@C6Ta_2=2C>:?8TarTa_>6?Ta_2C6Ta_7@FCTa_E:>6DTa_>@C6Ta_=:<6=JTa_E@Ta_5:6Ta_3JTa_DF:4:56Ta_E92?Ta_H@>6?]Qm` :? `_ >6?k^2m :? E96 &?:E65 $E2E6D 6IA6C:6?46 56AC6DD:@? @C 2?I:6EJ[ 3FE =6DD E92? 92=7 C646:G6 EC62E>6?E[ 244@C5:?8 E@ C6D62C49] %C28:42==J[ >6? 2C6 2=D@ 7@FC E:>6D >@C6 =:<6=J E@ 5:6 3J DF:4:56 E92? H@>6?] x? 2?@E96C DEF5J @7 f`e >6? 2?5 H@>6? 6IA6C:6?4:?8 DEC6DD[ >6? H6C6 ahT =6DD =:<6=J E92? H@>6? E@ 8@ E@ E96C2AJ] x? E92E k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^A>4]?43:]?=>]?:9]8@G^2CE:4=6D^!|rgaagecc^QmD2>6 DEF5Jk^2m[ E9@D6 H9@ D2H E96>D6=G6D 2D >@C6 >2D4F=:?6 86?6C2==J C6A@CE65 76H6C >6?E2= 962=E9 DJ>AE@>D]k^Am
kAm}@G6>36C :D C64@8?:K65 2D k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]E2=<DA246]4@>^>6?D\>6?E2=\962=E9\2H2C6?6DDQm|6?’D w62=E9 |@?E9k^2m[ 2?5 E9:D J62C[ k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]E2=<DA246]4@>Qm%2=<DA246k^2m :D 492==6?8:?8 J@F E@ C6HC:E6 E96 CF=6D] xE’D E:>6 7@C 2 4=62? D=2E6 2?5 E@ F?=62C? =@?8\DE2?5:?8 86?56C ?@C>D E92E 42? 9@=5 >6? 324< 7C@> 36:?8 E96:C ECF6DE D6=G6D] k^Am
kAm“(96? E96C6 :D 2? F?DA@<6? D@4:6E2= 6IA64E2E:@? E@ =:G6 @?6VD =:76 E9:D H2J[ :E 42? 4C62E6 2 72:C=J D:8?:7:42?E 2>@F?E @7 AC6DDFC6 @? >6? :? 86?6C2=[” D2JD %2=<DA246 E96C2A:DE w] y2J $H65=2H[ |$^t5$[ {!r[ {|wr] “%96C2AJ 42? 96=A >6? E@ 7:?5 H92E E96J 766= E@ 36 2 962=E9J 32=2?46 @7 H@C<:?8 E@ :?4@CA@C2E6 E96 962=E9J A2CED @7 D@>6 @7 E96D6 =@?8\96=5 36=:67D H9:=6 2=D@ 2==@H:?8 E96> C@@> E@ 36 23=6 E@ :?4@CA@C2E6 4@?46AED DF49 2D 6>@E:@?2= 6IAC6DD:@? 2?5 GF=?6C23:=:EJ]”k^Am
kAmw@H6G6C[ J@F 5@?’E 92G6 E@ 36 2 E96C2A:DE E@ DE2CE 2 >6?E2= 962=E9 4@?G6CD2E:@?] }@ >2EE6C J@FC 86?56C[ 4@>>:E E@ 2D<:?8 E96 >6? J@F 42C6 23@FE 2 BF6DE:@? @C EH@ E@ 86E E96> E2=<:?8 23@FE 9@H E96J C62==J 766=] qFE 2D<:?8 G28F6 BF6DE:@?D =:<6 “w@H 2C6 J@Fn” @C “*@F @<2J[ >2?n” >:89E ?@E 36 6?@F89 E@ 86E 2 8FJ E@ @A6? FA[ 3642FD6 E96J’C6 D@ 62DJ E@ 3CFD9 @77 H:E9 3C:67 2?DH6CD] k^Am
kAmx?DE625[ ECJ E9:D =:DE @7 BF6DE:@?D E92E 2?J3@5J 42? FD6 E@ 86E E96 8FJD :? E96:C =:G6D E@ 6IAC6DD E96>D6=G6D 7C66=Jik^Am
kF=mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ62bad6_636dchf73ad5g2ge`c_dah6a4hQm(92E’D D@>6E9:?8 J@F H:D9 >@C6 A6@A=6 <?6H 23@FE J@Fnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6e2b`hfa4`bb2ee765_g`bd7c5fc_h`b7Qm(92E’D D@>6E9:?8 J@F 6?;@J65 :? E96 A2DE E92E J@F H:D9 J@F 925 >@C6 @7 :? J@FC =:76 E@52Jnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6fha`6cb6ecafc2242a`545ch3e72d36eQm(92E 2C6 J@F 5@:?8 H96? J@F 766= J@FC >@DE D2E:D7:65 2?5 =62DE DEC6DD65nk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6gc72e525f5e3eh`ddbeca3he3_2eae46Qmx7 J@F H2<6 FA :? E96 >:55=6 @7 E96 ?:89E[ H92E E9@F89ED <66A J@F FAnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6gfchb35f`h2be6b7c3e5fa3`ah765f56Qm(92E 92G6 J@F 366? 5@:?8 5FC:?8 J@FC 5@H?E:>6nk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6aec4346d6g_4fe22e3ag```3c`d6hff6Qm(92E 24E:G:E:6D 92G6 J@F 366? 6?;@J:?8 =2E6=J[ 56DA:E6 9@H E96J >2J 36 A6C46:G65nk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6_b`7`dha_dgfh_dbbgfgd`fb57e2efd6Qm(92E’D @?6 E9:?8 J@F H:D9 A6@A=6 H@F=5 36 >@C6 F?56CDE2?5:?8 @7nk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6g33ed_35ha4665gh2c244`d4_5a``e6fQm(92E 2C6 D@>6 E9:?8D E92E 92G6 366? 3@E96C:?8 J@Fnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ67h5a2_2gd5b635bbd77eee`eg2_ge_7hQmr@F=5 J@F 56D4C:36 2 D:EF2E:@? @C 6G6?E E92E 92D 925 2 D:8?:7:42?E :>A24E @? J@Fnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6b323`d4e32f3_fbdf36g`a2_`ghg3e5aQmxD E96C6 2?JE9:?8 @? J@FC >:?5 J@FV5 =:<6 E@ E2=< 23@FEnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ63`gf2ahghgb4f2`a6_`4f4fg5_e4g4d6Qm(92E 42? x 5@ E@ DFAA@CE J@Fnk^=:mk^F=m
kAmpD<:?8 @?6 @C >@C6 @7 E96D6 BF6DE:@?D 8:G6D 2 8FJ :? J@FC =:76—A2CE?6C[ 7C:6?5[ 3C@E96C[ 525[ F?4=6[ 4@FD:?[ 4@H@C<6C—E96 @AA@CEF?:EJ E@ @A6? FA :7 E96J ?665 E@] x7 A@D:?8 2 BF6DE:@? 766=D 2H<H2C5[ %2=<DA246 E96C2A:DE |:?<JF?8 r9F?8[ |$[ {|wrw[ DF886DED C6=2E:?8 E@ :E J@FCD6=7i “$@>6E:>6D[ :E 96=AD :7 E96C6 :D 2? 2:C @7 D92C:?8] $@ D2J D@>6E9:?8 =:<6[ ‘xE =@@<D =:<6 J@F 2C6 ;FDE 2D DEC6DD65 2D >6] {6E’D E2=< 23@FE :E]’”k^Am
kAm$6EE:?8 2?5 4@?E6IE 2C6 2=D@ <6J] “(:E9 2?J D:EF2E:@?[ :E’D :>A@CE2?E E@ 2D< @C D9@H 4@?46C? :? 2 AC:G2E6 D6EE:?8] q6 DFC6 :E’D D@>6H96C6 E96 A6CD@? 766=D 4@>7@CE23=6[” D96 255D] “pD =@?8 2D J@F >2:?E2:? 2? 9@?6DE 2?5 @A6? 2AAC@249[ :E 2==@HD 7@C E92E D6?D6 @7 D276EJ E@ 92G6 E92E 4@?G6CD2E:@?]”k^Am
kAmx7 E96J 5@?’E 8:G6 J@F 2? :?\56AE9 2?DH6C[ 5@?’E H@CCJ] pD<:?8 2 E9@F89E7F= BF6DE:@? D9@HD J@F 42C6 2?5 42? AC@>AE D6=7\C67=64E:@?] p?5 :7 E96J 5@ @A6? FA H:E9 566A E9@F89ED[ 3:8 766=:?8D[ @C C6G6=2E:@?D 23@FE :??6C =:76n {:DE6?[ H2:E E@ C6DA@?5[ 2?5 5@ D@ H:E9@FE ;F58>6?E] k^Am
kAm“$@>6E:>6D 2 >2? H:== D2J[ ‘x’> 7:?6[’ 3642FD6 96 5@6D?VE 92G6 E96 G@423F=2CJ E@ 56D4C:36 H92E 96VD 766=:?8] {6EVD E6249 @FC >6? :EVD @<2J E@ D2J[ ‘x’> DECF88=:?8[ 42? J@F 96=An’” D2JD u2>@FD tCH:?[ {|wr[ {!r[ 2 %2=<DA246 E96C2A:DE H9@ H@C<D AC:>2C:=J H:E9 >6?] “rC62E:?8 2 D276[ ;F58>6?E\7C66 DA246 H:== 8:G6 9:> E96 =:36CEJ E@ 36 GF=?6C23=6 2?5 6IAC6DD 9:D 566A6DE 4@?46C?D 23@FE =:76 2?5 2?J 492==6?86D 96 7246D]”k^Am
kAmtCH:? 2=D@ 6?4@FC286D >6? E@ “4964< :? @?” E96>D6=G6D 3J 2D<:?8 E96D6 BF6DE:@?Dik^Am
kF=mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ65fa55ah_56ha7e`h2cf_763bbf2fa3`aQm(92E 2C6 >J 4FCC6?E DEC6DD@CD @C 492==6?86Dnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ643`4ffad6333g4bg25a_4ef55ge_`3fdQmw@H 2> x 92?5=:?8 DEC6DD 2?5 6>@E:@?Dnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6dad47646`6a2d25_327f434fha22ba56Qmw@H 2> x 766=:?8 A9JD:42==Jnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6ehh`hd`4`5eeffhf6hfd33`hb6dgbf7gQmp> x 7:?5:?8 ;@J 2?5 D2E:D724E:@? :? >J 52:=J 24E:G:E:6Dnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6aeeb7cf63_c2dbcabb4`agdg74_7b25cQms@ x 766= @G6CH96=>65 @C :D@=2E65nk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6a6e563ag55_h`2472d6776fae5_23hgbQmw2G6 E96C6 366? 2?J D:8?:7:42?E 492?86D :? >J 3692G:@C @C 923:EDnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ6c4b336_7cg4gf_5h76d3577`45``g_d5Qmw2G6 x 6IA6C:6?465 2?J EC2F>2E:4 6G6?ED @C =@DD6Dnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ67`4b`e6abfdb3ha`bdc_af64ab73bh7cQmp> x 23=6 E@ E2=< @A6?=J 23@FE >J 766=:?8D H:E9 7C:6?5D 2?5 72>:=Jnk^=:mk=: 52E2\=:DE\:E6>\:5lQ635gh7g7c63_ghga7ca_6eee26`dfcc42Qmw@H H:== x C2E6 >J @G6C2== H6==\36:?8 @? 2 D42=6 @7 `\`_nk^=:mk^F=m
kAmx7 C67=64E:?8 @? 2?J @7 E96D6 BF6DE:@?D >2<6D J@F C62=:K6 J@F 4@F=5 FD6 >@C6 >6?E2= 962=E9 DFAA@CE[ E96C2AJ :D @?6 A=246 E@ EFC?] %96C2AJ 42? 96=A 7C66 A6@A=6 7C@> @E96CD’ 6IA64E2E:@?D[ =6E 8@ @7 D92>6[ 2?5 BF:6E E96 @FED:56 ?@:D6]k^Am
kAm“|6? 92G6 366? E2F89E E@ AFD9 E9C@F89 :E[ AC@G:56 7@C @E96CD[ 2?5 DE2J E2==[” D2JD tCH:?] “|6?E2= 962=E9 2==@HD FD E@ 2=D@ =62C? 9@H E@ A2FD6[ 24<?@H=6586 @FC 766=:?8D[ 2?5 42C6 7@C @FCD6=G6D]” k^Am
kAm“%JA:42==J[ >6? 562= H:E9 E96C2AJ 5:776C6?E=J E92? H@>6?[” 96 255D] “|6? 42? 36 2?2=JE:42= 2?5 F?ECFDE:?8 @7 F?72>:=:2C A6@A=6 6?E6C:?8 E96:C AC:G2E6 2772:CD] w@H6G6C[ H96? ECFDE :D 62C?65[ >6? H:== A2CE:4:A2E6 :? E96C2AJ 2?5 ECFDE E96 E96C2A:DE 2?5 E96 E96C2A6FE:4 AC@46DD]”k^Am
kAmk2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]E2=<DA246]4@>^3=@8^>6?D\962=E9\2H2C6?6DD\>@?E9^Qmk6>m%9:D DE@CJk^6>mk^2mk6>m H2D AC@5F465 3Jk^6>m k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]E2=<DA246]4@>Qmk6>m%2=<DA246k^6>mk^2mk6>m 2?5 C6G:6H65 2?5 5:DEC:3FE65 3Jk^6>m k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^9F3D]=2^"_b<=8$#_Q C6=lQ?@7@==@HQmk6>m$E24<6Ck^6>mk^2mk6>m]k^6>mk^Am