When family asks for money help, your decision can be muddied by guilt, obligation, cultural expectations and a desire to make sure loved ones are taken care of. But how do you handle financial requests if your own budget is stretched thin?
New research from the Federal Reserve Bank of Richmond finds that there are real imbalances in family financial support. About twice as many people give money to relatives as receive it (42% vs. 21%). And among lower-income givers — those with household income of less than $30,000 — the median amount transferred was $800, or about a third of gross monthly income for a $30,000 earner. The average was much higher, an eye-watering $75,300, likely skewed by a few large transfers.
kAm&?FDF2==J =2C86 EC2?D76CD 2D:56[ E96 >65:2? 8:7E @7 Sg__ :D 2 >62?:?87F= 2D<[ A2CE:4F=2C=J 7@C E9:D :?4@>6 C2?86] p?5 D:?46 @?=J caT @7 p>6C:42?D H:E9 2 9@FD69@=5 :?4@>6 F?56C Sd_[___ D2J E96J 4@F=5 4@G6C 2 DFCAC:D6 S`[___ 6IA6?D6 E9:D >@?E9[ 244@C5:?8 E@ k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?6C5H2==6E]4@>^7:?2?46^DEF5:6D^7:?2?4:2=\C6D:=:6?46\:?56InFE>042>A2:8?l4E0AC@5U2>AjFE>04@?E6?Ela_d_gd`U2>AjFE>0>65:F>lCDDU2>AjFE>0D@FC46lDJ?5:42E:@?U2>AjFE>0E6C>l3=@I5:8:E2=Q E2C86ElQ0D6=7Q C6=lQ?@7@==@H ?@@A6?6CQm}6C5(2==6E’D yF=J u:?2?4:2= #6D:=:6?46 x?56Ik^2m[ >2?J @7 E96 A6@A=6 8:G:?8 E92E Sg__ >2J ?@E 36 23=6 E@ DA2C6 :E]k^Am
kAm(9:=6 >2?J A6@A=6 H@F=5 H2?E E@ 96=A E96:C =@G65 @?6D @FE @7 2 E:89E DA@E[ 4C62E:?8 7:?2?4:2= 3@F?52C:6D :D :>A@CE2?E] %9:D 5@6D?’E ?646DD2C:=J >62? D2J:?8 ?@ E@ 72>:=J >6>36CD[ 3FE D6EE:?8 8F2C5C2:=D E@ ?@E ;6@A2C5:K6 J@FC @H? 7:?2?4:2= D64FC:EJ]k^Am
k9am`] $64FC6 J@FC 6>6C86?4J 7F?5 7:CDEk^9am
kAmx7 >@?6J :D E:89E 24C@DD J@FC 72>:=J[ :E >2J 766= F?4@>7@CE23=6 E@ 7@4FD @? 86EE:?8 J@FC @H? >@?6J :? @C56C 7:CDE[ 3FE :E’D :>A@CE2?E E@ 5@] (96? J@F’C6 7:?2?4:2==J D64FC6[ J@F’== 36 :? 2 36EE6C A@D:E:@? E@ 96=A J@FC =@G65 @?6D 8@:?8 7@CH2C5]k^Am
kAmx7 J@F 5@?’E 92G6 2? k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?6C5H2==6E]4@>^32?<:?8^=62C?^6>6C86?4J\7F?5\H9J\:E\>2EE6CDnFE>042>A2:8?l4E0AC@5U2>AjFE>04@?E6?Ela_d_gd`U2>AjFE>0>65:F>lCDDU2>AjFE>0D@FC46lDJ?5:42E:@?U2>AjFE>0E6C>l3=@I5:8:E2=Q E2C86ElQ0D6=7Q C6=lQ?@7@==@H ?@@A6?6CQm6>6C86?4J 7F?5k^2m[ DE2CE H:E9 2 8@2= @7 S`[___] %9:D >2J D66> :?DFC>@F?E23=6[ 2?5 :E 4@F=5 E2<6 >@?E9D E@ 3F:=5 FA] qFE 49:A 2H2J 2E E9:D :?:E:2= C2:?J 52J 7F?5 2 =:EE=6 2E 2 E:>6 — S`_ 96C6[ @C Sc_ E96C6] &=E:>2E6=J[ E96 8@2= :D E@ D2G6 FA E9C66 E@ D:I >@?E9D @7 6IA6?D6D[ H9:49 42? E2<6 J62CD] %92E’D ~zj ;FDE DE2CE D>2==i S`[___ :D 2 >2;@C DE6A :? E96 C:89E 5:C64E:@? @7 D64FC:?8 J@FC 7:?2?4:2= 7FEFC6]k^Am
k9ama] s64:56 H96E96C E96 >@?6J :D 2 8:7E @C 2 =@2?k^9am
kAms6E6C>:?:?8 E96 E6C>D @7 2 >@?6J EC2?D76C WxD E9:D 2 8:7E @C 5@6D :E ?665 E@ 36 A2:5 324<nX D66>D DEC2:89E7@CH2C5[ 3FE >2J ?@E 36] (9:=6 8:G:?8 2 k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?6C5H2==6E]4@>^A6CD@?2=\=@2?D^=62C?^72>:=J\=@2?DnFE>042>A2:8?l4E0AC@5U2>AjFE>04@?E6?Ela_d_gd`U2>AjFE>0>65:F>lCDDU2>AjFE>0D@FC46lDJ?5:42E:@?U2>AjFE>0E6C>l3=@I5:8:E2=Q E2C86ElQ0D6=7Q C6=lQ?@7@==@H ?@@A6?6CQm=@2? E@ 2 72>:=J >6>36Ck^2m 4@F=5 96=A 2 =@G65 @?6 @FE :? 2? 6>6C86?4J[ ?@E 6G6CJ@?6 766=D E96 D2>6 FC86?4J 2C@F?5 A2J:?8 324< 2 7:?2?4:2= @3=:82E:@?] x? 724E[ D@>6 C64@>>6?5 ?6G6C =6?5:?8 E@ 72>:=J @C k2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?6C5H2==6E]4@>^7:?2?46^?6HD^2D<65\@?\C655:E\8:G6\7C:6?5\>@?6JnFE>042>A2:8?l4E0AC@5U2>AjFE>04@?E6?Ela_d_gd`U2>AjFE>0>65:F>lCDDU2>AjFE>0D@FC46lDJ?5:42E:@?U2>AjFE>0E6C>l3=@I5:8:E2=Q E2C86ElQ0D6=7Q C6=lQ?@7@==@H ?@@A6?6CQm7C:6?5Dk^2m 2?5 D66:?8 2?J >@?6J J@F 8:G6 E@ =@G65 @?6D 2D 2 8:7E]k^Am
kAmu@C 72>:=J >6>36CD H:E9 2 9:DE@CJ @7 3@CC@H:?8 >@?6J 2?5 A2J:?8 :E 324< AC@>AE=J[ J@F >2J 766= 4@>7@CE23=6 =6?5:?8 E@ E96> 282:?] qFE :7 J@F’C6 DE:== H2:E:?8 7@C 7F?5D =6?E D:I >@?E9D 28@[ :E’D AC@323=J D276 E@ D2J E92E E96 3@CC@H6C :D?’E D@>6@?6 H9@ 42? 36 4@F?E65 @? 7@C C6A2J>6?E] x? E9:D 42D6[ @?=J 8:G6 E96> H92E J@F 42? 277@C5 ?@E E@ 86E 324<]k^Am
k9amb] rC62E6 CF=6D 367@C6 E96 ?6IE 2D<k^9am
kAmxE’D ?@E 2? 62DJ E2D<[ 3FE D6EE:?8 3@F?52C:6D 2C@F?5 8:G:?8[ A2CE:4F=2C=J E@ C6A62E 3@CC@H6CD[ :D :>A@CE2?E 7@C 7:?2?4:2= H6==\36:?8 2?5 962=E9J C6=2E:@?D9:AD] %9:D >:89E >62? D6G6C2= E9:?8D[ :?4=F5:?8ik^Am
kF=mk=:m#6BF:C:?8 C6A2J>6?E @7 2 =@2? :? 7F== 367@C6 8:G:?8 2?@E96C @?6]k^=:mk=:mtG2=F2E:?8 H92E E96J A=2? E@ FD6 E96 >@?6J 7@C 2?5 56E6C>:?:?8 H96E96C :E’D 2 ?665 @C 2 H2?E]k^=:mk=:m{:>:E:?8 E96 2>@F?E @7 >@?6J 8:G6?[ 6G6? :7 :E’D “?@E 6?@F89”]k^=:mk^F=m
kAmq6 FA7C@?E 23@FE J@FC 3@F?52C:6D H:E9 =@G65 @?6D] |@?6J 2?5 72>:=J 42? 36 >6DDJ[ H:E9 9FCE 766=:?8D 2?5 2H<H2C5 4@?G6CD2E:@?D] qFE J@F 42? 4C62E6 CF=6D E@ <66A 7:?2?4:2= 8:7ED @C =@2?D 7C@> 364@>:?8 2 A6CD@?2= 3FC56?]k^Am
k9amc] w6=A @FE :? ?@?\>@?6E2CJ H2JDk^9am
kAmx7 J@F 92G6?’E J6E 6DE23=:D965 E92E S`[___ 4FD9:@? 2?5 42?’E 277@C5 E@ 8:G6 >@?6J[ E96C6 >2J 36 @E96C H2JD E@ 96=A[ =:<6ik^Am
kF=mk=:m#6D62C49:?8 C6=6G2?E 2DD:DE2?46 @C D@4:2= AC@8C2>D]k^=:mk=:m!C@G:5:?8 2 7C66 >62= @C 49:=542C6] k^=:mk=:mpDD:DE:?8 =@G65 @?6D H:E9 4C62E:?8 2 3F586E @C D2G:?8D A=2?]k^=:mk^F=m
kAm$FAA@CE:?8 72>:=J >6>36CD 5@6D?’E 92G6 E@ >62? A2CE:?8 H:E9 42D9] $92C:?8 ?@?\>@?6E2CJ C6D@FC46D 42? 36 :>A24E7F=[ H9:=6 2=D@ ?@E E9C62E6?:?8 J@FC @H? DE23:=:EJ]k^Am
k5:G 4=2DDlQ?H\>@C6\7C@>\?6C5H2==6EQ 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\?2>6lQ|@C6 uC@> }6C5(2==6EQ 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\D=F8lQ?H0>@C607C@>0?6C5H2==6EQmkAmkDEC@?8m|@C6 uC@> }6C5(2==6Ek^DEC@?8mk^AmkF=mk=:mk2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?6C5H2==6E]4@>^7:?2?46^?6HD^px\7:?2?4:2=\A=2?nFE>042>A2:8?l4E0AC@5U2>AjFE>0D@FC46lDJ?5:42E:@?U2>AjFE>0>65:F>lCDDU2>AjFE>0E6C>l3=@I5:8:E2=U2>AjFE>04@?E6?Ela_d_gd`Q E:E=6lQx !FE 2 r92E3@EUCDBF@jD u:?2?4:2= p5G:46 E@ E96 %6DEQ E2C86ElQ0D6=7Q 4=2DDlQ?H\=:?<Q C6=lQ?@7@==@H ?@@A6?6CQ 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\?2>6lQ{:?<Q 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\D=F8lQ?H0=:?<Q 52E2\?H\EC24<\4=:4<lQ`Q 52E2\?H\EC24<\:>AC6DD:@?lQ`Qmx !FE 2 r92E3@E’D u:?2?4:2= p5G:46 E@ E96 %6DEk^2mk^=:mk=:mk2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?6C5H2==6E]4@>^7:?2?46^?6HD^2D<65\@?\C655:E\8:G6\7C:6?5\>@?6JnFE>042>A2:8?l4E0AC@5U2>AjFE>0D@FC46lDJ?5:42E:@?U2>AjFE>0>65:F>lCDDU2>AjFE>0E6C>l3=@I5:8:E2=U2>AjFE>04@?E6?Ela_d_gd`Q E:E=6lQ$6EE=6 E96 #655:E s632E6i $9@F=5 *@F v:G6 2 uC:6?5 |@?6JnQ E2C86ElQ0D6=7Q 4=2DDlQ?H\=:?<Q C6=lQ?@7@==@H ?@@A6?6CQ 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\?2>6lQ{:?<Q 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\D=F8lQ?H0=:?<Q 52E2\?H\EC24<\4=:4<lQ`Q 52E2\?H\EC24<\:>AC6DD:@?lQ`Qm$6EE=6 E96 #655:E s632E6i $9@F=5 *@F v:G6 2 uC:6?5 |@?6Jnk^2mk^=:mk=:mk2 9C67lQ9EEADi^^HHH]?6C5H2==6E]4@>^7:?2?46^?6HD^:46\4C62>\52J\7C663:6D\a_aenFE>042>A2:8?l4E0AC@5U2>AjFE>0D@FC46lDJ?5:42E:@?U2>AjFE>0>65:F>lCDDU2>AjFE>0E6C>l3=@I5:8:E2=U2>AjFE>04@?E6?Ela_d_gd`Q E:E=6lQ`` }2E:@?2= x46 rC62> s2J s62=D 2?5 uC663:6DQ E2C86ElQ0D6=7Q 4=2DDlQ?H\=:?<Q C6=lQ?@7@==@H ?@@A6?6CQ 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\?2>6lQ{:?<Q 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\D=F8lQ?H0=:?<Q 52E2\?H\EC24<\4=:4<lQ`Q 52E2\?H\EC24<\:>AC6DD:@?lQ`Qm`` }2E:@?2= x46 rC62> s2J s62=D 2?5 uC663:6Dk^2mk^=:mk^F=mk^5:Gm
k5:G 4=2DDlQ?H\2FE9@C\3@I\HAQ 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\?2>6lQpFE9@C q@I \ (!Q 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\D=F8lQ?H02FE9@C03@I0HAQmk5:G 4=2DDlQ?H\2FE9@C\3@I\HA\\:??6CQmk2D:56 :E6>D4@A6lQQ :E6>AC@AlQ2FE9@CQ :E6>EJA6lQ9EEAi^^D496>2]@C8^!6CD@?Q 4=2DDlQ?H\2FE9@C\3@IQ 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\?2>6lQpFE9@C q@IQ 52E2\?H\4@>A@?6?E\EJA6\D=F8lQ?H02FE9@C03@IQmkAmtC:? t= xDD2 HC:E6D 7@C }6C5(2==6E] t>2:=i k2 9C67lQ>2:=E@i6C:?o?6C5H2==6E]4@>Qm6C:?o?6C5H2==6E]4@>k^2m]k^Amk^2D:56mk^5:Gmk^5:Gm
kA 4=2DDlQ?H\@C:8:?2==J\A@DE65\=:?<Qm%96 2CE:4=6 w6=A:?8 u2>:=J (:E9 q:==Dn $6E q@F?52C:6D q67@C6 xE r@DED *@F @C:8:?2==J 2AA62C65 @? }6C5(2==6E]k^Am